Leadership

How to Build a Strong Co-Founder Relationship

Conflict is the last thing most of us want, but if you’re building a new company, it comes with the job.

‘Peace is not the absence of conflict, it’s the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means.’ — Ronald Reagan.

In the pressure tank of venture-backed startups, conflict between the co-founders has the potential to kill a company. Indeed, Paul Graham reveals that co-founders break up in 20 percent of YC’s investments.

To me, this isn’t just another statistic. It’s very personal.

I’ve been through a co-founder break-up. It’s every bit as difficult, painful, and stressful as a romantic break-up. I remember my shame at being unable to save it. At the time, I didn’t realise how common this situation is — not that it would have been much relief.

Building a business involves so many decisions that disagreements are inevitable. They say that you need enough conflict to help you challenge old ideas and innovate, but not so much that it becomes counterproductive.

So, how much conflict is just enough?

Why long-term partners break up

We’ve all heard the old cliché that co-founding a company is like getting married; both are contractual, long-term relationships with large penalties for leaving early, both involve a lot of time spent together, and both require a significant amount of trust. And both come with a whole lot of stress.

The Gottman Institute discovered that they could reasonably predict the likelihood of a married couple getting an early divorce just by observing the couple interact over a period of time. Surprisingly, it isn’t the amount of fighting that matters most — it’s how partners fight.

We all recognize ‘bad conflict’ when we see it. Each side expects the worst from the other and the main issues are quickly benched to make way for destructive remarks and personal attacks. Neither side pays any attention to the well-being of the other, and both refuse to reveal their emotions and needs on the basis that…